This section is included in the Full Version of My Story, but I wanted to include it in a separate section for those who are more curious about the symptoms I was dealing with themselves. One thing to note is that all of these symptoms were with me every single second of every day, and there was no escaping them at all. They were all present simultaneously, and at maximum levels at all times. 

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It started first with the headaches at a pretty mild level, and slowly built up in intensity. The other symptoms appeared one by one over time, and they all continued to grow. By the end, they were so intense that I was no longer able to work, or function like a normal human. 

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Here are some of the symptoms I was experiencing for 14 years:

 

• Headaches- The headaches feel like an immense pressure in the forehead region of my head. It feels as if someone is constantly squeezing the inside of my forehead as hard as they can, and never letting go. There is a constant pain behind my eyes, and it feels like someone is trying to push my eyeballs out of their sockets from behind. There is also an immense pressure inside of my head, as if air is constantly being pumped into my head. I feel like my head is going to explode at any time. Simultaneously, it feels like my head is being crushed inwards from the outside. I feel like my head is in a constant vice squeezing my head as hard as possible.

 

• Dizziness- The dizziness isn't a spinning sensation that many people feel, but a sensation of constant unsteadiness. It feels like I am constantly on a boat, where everything is swaying and rocking back and forth. The sensation is equivalent to trying to walk during an earthquake, with someone trying to pull the ground out from underneath me every step I take. Turning my head sideways or looking up and down also produces a sensation of dizziness, and I must move gingerly and control my movements very carefully to prevent aggravating the dizziness. Bending over also creates extreme dizziness, creating the feeling that my head is suddenly filling with blood and that I will pass out at any second. Seemingly simple tasks such as picking something up from the floor have become extremely difficult. Standing from a seated or squatting position also produces a sensation of blood rushing to my head, and I must pause for a few minutes every time I stand up to let the feeling subside. Otherwise, it feels like I will faint at any time.

 

• Visual Symptoms- The visual symptoms are the most bothersome and most perplexing. For one thing, my eyes constantly hurt. It feels as if someone is trying to push my eyeballs out of their sockets from behind and there is an immense pressure as if someone is trying to pop my eyeballs by squeezing them. It also hurts to move my eyes. Looking up, down, left, or right is extremely achy. Focusing on anything visually, especially up close causes tremendous headaches and dizziness. Simple tasks such as reading, shaving, and cooking are extremely difficult and I avoid them at all costs.

 

Sunlight and glare of any sort also become very disorienting and causes physical symptoms as well. Walking into a room with a lot of mirrors or shiny surfaces causes immediate discomfort and I need to leave as soon as possible. Patterns of any sort are also extremely disorienting. Walking into a room with tiled floors, or even looking at someone’s clothes that might have stripes or patterns causes symptoms.

 

I also have an extreme sensitivity to light. Fluorescent lights, and any colored lights (especially blue) cause extreme headaches and dizziness as well. I start feeling extremely dazed and confused, and can’t think straight. I start feeling as if everything around me is surreal and I’m in a dream. My body also starts going haywire where it feels like I can’t control my body as well. At times, I almost feeling I’m having mini seizures. The one example that keeps coming to mind is seeing robots in cartoons short circuiting and going crazy when they are doused with water. As a result of this, any type of work involving a screen, such as computer work or using my phone becomes unbearable. The combination of the lights and the close focusing required make the symptoms exponentially worse. Looking at my phone for even a second produces horrible headaches and dizziness. I avoid all these activities at all costs.

 

The most unexplainable visual phenomenon I experience is that I see a holographic effect everywhere I look. While I can see everything clearly and see exactly what they are, it feels like there is a hologram over everything. The only way thing I can compare it to is one of the last scenes in the first Matrix, where Neo gets killed by Smith. After he comes back to life, Neo is able to stop the barrage of bullets from the agents. Right after that moment, Neo actually sees the matrix and construct code that makes up the Matrix. That is almost what the world looks like to me, except in a less obvious and much more subtle way. It almost feels like I can see the individual pixels that make up all the objects in the world. It is everywhere I look, whether it is at a person, object, or even the sky.

 

• Sensory Overload- My hearing is extremely sensitive and I can hear things that most people can’t. I can hear the faintest of sounds and from far distances. While this might seem like a cool superpower to have, it is actually very bothersome because all sorts of sounds become too overwhelming. High pitched whirring sounds from the old tube TV’s to deep percussive sounds from bass systems hurt my ears tremendously and start giving me headaches. Being in crowded places, the sound of dishes clanging, and sirens become too much to bear and I need to find refuge somewhere quiet.

 

My smell is also extremely sensitive and I can pick up on all sorts of scents and smells. If I walk into a room, I can smell the lingering scent of someone’s perfume or cologne even if they weren’t in the room for hours. As a result of this, smells of any sort can make me extremely dizzy. This can be anything including perfume, cologne, gasoline, nail polish, paint, chemical cleaners of any sort, shampoo, and even the smell of food.

 

Taste- My sense of taste is also extremely sensitive, and strong tastes of any sort start making me dizzy and give me headaches. I can no longer eat anything spicy, sweet, sour, bitter, or too salty. It is just not worth the literal headache.

 

Sensation- My thermoception or sense of temperature is also extremely sensitive. I am extremely sensitive to heat or cold. When it gets even slightly chilly, I start shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I also start getting an immense pressure in my head and it feels like all the muscles in my head and neck seize up.

 

When it is even slightly warm, I begin feeling extremely nauseous and lightheaded. I begin to get really dazed and disoriented as well. It feels like I’ve been in a 200 degree sauna for 5 hours even if only 15 minutes has actually passed. This sensation occurs instantaneously. It can be freezing cold outside, but the moment I step into any place that has the heat on, I start feeling sick within a few seconds. I either have to leave or take my jacket off immediately.

 

• Cognitive Overload- My brain feels like it can’t function normally. My logical processes are all still in place, but they are a step behind what I am used to. More troubling than that is my inability to sustain focus or concentration on any task. If you gave me one math equation, I could solve it quickly. But the moment consecutive equations are introduced, I am no longer able to maintain my focus without getting splitting headaches. This translates to every possible thing that requires focus. Watching something, listening to a lecture, talking to people, and even thinking starts giving me headaches. Not intense thinking like solving a Sudoku puzzle or deciphering a complex equation, but very simple thinking tasks. Thinking about what I want to eat for dinner or even daydreaming for more than 5 or 10 minutes starts giving me headaches. This is very frustrating for me since I have always been a thinker.

 

• Anxiety- The anxiety feels as if something is constantly wrong although there is no identifiable reason for this. I constantly feel like I’m on edge and need to escape, but there is nothing to get away from. I almost drowned to death when I was much younger, and this is the only feeling I can compare it to- that sensation of being in extreme panic, thinking I’m going to die and needing to do whatever I can to escape the situation. The second closest thing I can compare it to is the anxiety you feel prior to giving a speech. The nervousness, butterflies in your stomach, and wanting to just flee from the podium. The feelings and sensations from almost drowning and having to give a speech are with me every second. There are many times where I feel like I’m trapped in my body and get escape from it. Something always feels wrong and I am never comfortable, and it makes living extremely hard.

 

• Digestion Issues- My stomach is always in pain or extremely uncomfortable. It feels like something is always squeezing my stomach and it feels like my stomach is always bloated. I also have extremely unstable blood sugar levels and must constantly eat every 2-3 hours or I start feeling really faint and dizzy. My hunger levels are also extremely unstable and I must eat the moment I get hungry. The hunger comes randomly, and I must eat within 15-30 minutes or I become extremely dizzy, faint, shaky, lightheaded, anxious, and get a horrible headache. I almost feel like an addict going through withdrawal. This causes me to become a totally different person when I am hungry, and I will literally run red lights and knock people out of the way to find food as soon as possible. This is not my intention at all, but I NEED to find food or I will pass out.

 

Then I feel HORRIBLE after eating every single time. It will feel like I just ate a 32oz steak slathered with butter, truffle oil, and the thickest cheese you can think of. I get extreme food coma and itis, and start feeling really out of it. My stomach starts hurting, I feel extremely drowsy, I can’t think straight, and a different form of headache comes into the picture. This happens no matter how relatively healthy and light I eat, though heavier foods will make it worse.

 

There are also many different types of food that I have developed an intolerance to. Eating these foods will make me feel extremely bloated, uncomfortable, and completely spaced out. For this reason, I’ve adapted what I eat to what makes me feel less worse after, rather than what I actually like to eat.

 

• Insomnia- I don’t have trouble falling asleep for the most part, but I am an extremely light sleeper and will wake up at the slightest sound. The sound of someone going to the restroom and even the sound of a text message will be enough to bring me to complete wakefulness. Once this happens, I have an extremely hard time going back to sleep. For the times that I am able to actually stay asleep, the sleep is extremely light and not restful at all. It feels more like I am just resting my eyes than sleeping. I wake up and am constantly exhausted, and I need to sleep 8-10 hours at the minimum just to feel like I don’t want to jump out a window.

 

• Fatigue- I am constantly exhausted for no reason and from doing nothing. Very very simple tasks will completely wipe me out. Walking a few blocks will completely exhaust me, and “harder” tasks such as taking the bus and train to get somewhere will make me feel like I just ran a marathon. I constantly need to sit and rest wherever I go.

 

• Constant ringing and fullness in my ears. It feels like my ears constantly need to pop but can’t.

 

• Heaviness in my chest like I can’t take a deep breath

 

• Frequent shortness of breath

 

• Burning sensation in my throat and esophagus

 

• Choking sensation as if someone is constantly trying to strangle me or as if I’m wearing a shirt with a collar that is way too tight

 

• Heart palpitations where my heart starts racing for no reason

   

• Random aches and pains throughout my body

   

• Tingling and numbness in my hands and feet

   

• Constantly thirsty and needing to urinate frequently

   

• Taste of metal in my mouth

   

• TMJ Dysfunction. My jaw constantly pops and it is extremely difficult to chew.

 

• Nausea and feeling like I have to throw up

 

 

There are a lot more of symptoms I experience, but these are the most dominant ones. As I mentioned earlier, each and every one of these symptoms are with me all of the time.

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