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MY STORY

My Full Story

How It All Started

 

My story began 13 (going on 14) years ago when I was 16 years old. Prior to that, I had developed a serious complication from strep throat when I was nine years old. This had me fighting a serious disease for the next five years. When I was 14, I recovered fully and resumed a normal life. Aside from that particular complication, I had never had any underlying health problems and lived a relatively normal life.

 

Seemingly out of nowhere, the headaches came when I was 16 years old and never left. The headaches began as a slight pressure in my forehead. They seemed innocent enough at first, and I didn't pay much attention to them. As time went on however, I also began noticing that I couldn't think straight. I started feeling slower, and it became harder for me to process things. In addition, I also began noticing a ringing in my ears, and began going through periods where I would start feeling very anxious for no reason. This had been an extremely stressful period in my life, and I just chalked everything up as being due to stress. I didn't think much of the problems, and continued living my life normally.

 

Things slowly got worse. The pressure began to grow in intensity and the other symptoms became more pronounced as well. By the time I was 18, I realized I should probably go see somebody and went to my doctor. He promptly told me that it was allergies and prescribed me allergy medication. This explained a lot of the things I was experiencing, and since he was a doctor, I took what he said at face value. 

 

For the next two years, I continued living with the symptoms thinking that they were allergies. Things were continuing to get worse, but I thought it was just my allergies getting worse and sucked it up.

 

Things began getting exponentially worse the following two years. The headaches and anxiety became a constant thing, and I began experiencing dizziness as well. I also began experiencing sensitivity to light and computers, sounds, and smells. My body also began going through crashes where I would get really sick for a week or so. Each time this happened, the symptoms became more pronounced permanantly and my body would feel weaker after. It almost felt as if I couldn’t fully recover. I tried to power through it as best I could, telling me telling myself I needed to stop being a wimp. I was also very busy with life, and figured I would deal with it if things became really really bad.

 

 

Time to Get Help

 

By the time I was 23, I realized something was not right and went back to my doctor. I told him about the headaches, and he ordered an MRI. The results came back negative, and he told me once again that he thought it was probably just allergies. After a few months, I went back to him telling him I still had the headaches and that something was definitely not right. I vividly remember him looking at me and asking me in a very condescending manner, “So, you still have these mysterious headaches, huh?” That was the last time I ever went back to him. That experience left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I stopped seeking help and struggled through the symptoms as best I could for the next year.

 

By the time I was 24, I knew I had to do something. I found a new doctor who immediately ordered a bunch of tests and started sending me to specialists. I made my way from specialist to specialist, all of whom who could not find anything wrong with me. They either couldn't help me or wanted to put me on antidepressants. I’m not depressed, I have a headache. And they're just getting worse.

 

After a year of making my way through the medical community with no real answers, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I started looking into nutrition heavily, and began trying various diets, supplements, and cleanses. I also started looking into alternative therapies, and started trying natural and holistic treatments as well. For the next two years, I focused heavily on nutrition and alternative therapies.  The alternative therapies started off innocently enough, with the more common things that people try.  As time went on however, they became more unorthodox and eventually ended up being downright weird.

 

All the while, I was still going to various specialists in the hopes that there was something someone might've missed or something new a different specialist could find. But again, I was told I was in perfect health and that there was nothing they could do for me. No one conventional or alternative had an answer for me. I didn't know what to do. Things only continued to get worse. In fact, they began to spiral out of control.

 

 

 

Lowest of Lows

 

Things had reached their lowest point by the time I was 27. The headaches, dizziness, and anxiety had become a constant thing. I also began experiencing a host of other symptoms including digestion problems, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, and much more. I was no longer able to read, write, watch TV, look at my phone, or use the computer even for a few minutes, since performing these tasks would give me an excruciating headache. I was also no longer able to go to crowded places such as malls since all the lights, people, and sounds would be too overwhelming and make me extremely dizzy. On top of that, I had become extremely underweight from all the different diets I was trying and all the stress I was under. My body was falling apart.

 

I spent many days that summer just lying in bed from the pain, wondering what I had done to deserve all this. I must've been a child molester in my previous life or something. In the September of that year, I made myself a promise that I would kill myself if things didn't get better by my birthday next May. I wasn't suicidal at all, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't going down without a fight though, and vowed to do whatever I could to get better within that time. I asked God, Buddha, or whoever might be listening to give me something to work with. A change, a sign, anything. Something’s got to give.

 

A few weeks later, I got into a car accident with someone who ran a stop sign and totaled my car. I guess I should've been more specific. I ended up spending the next six months in physical therapy and acupuncture. I had begun eating normally by this time, and went back to my normal weight by the time physical therapy was over. The physical therapy and acupuncture helped somewhat, but it was on a very superficial level. Things were pretty much the same overall and had not improved much. During my time in acupuncture, the acupuncturist told me that she thought all my problems were the result of the bones in my neck being out of place. I silently dismissed this notion. The pain was in my head and face, not my neck. Plus I had become increasingly convinced that the problems I was experiencing were the results of my eyes. Visual stimulation was the biggest trigger for my headaches, and I was sure there was something wrong with my eyes that no one could explain to me yet.

 

After physical therapy, I got admitted into a vision therapy program and spent the next two months in therapy which was designed to teach me how to use my eyes properly again. Although I was watching patients around me improve and make progress, the vision therapy didn't help me at all. This was slowly becoming the theme for me. Every treatment and therapy I have come across had been very promising and were able to help many people but me. I seemed to be the one anomaly that nothing and no one could help.

 

During vision therapy, the neuro optometrist I was working with observed that I resembled a lot of his traumatic brain injury patients and asked me if I had ever sustained a head trauma. I thought about it for a while. I mean, I was assaulted and hit in the head when I was 16, but it was no big deal. It was just a fight. People get into fights all the time. I had numerous brain scans and tests so I'm pretty sure I did not have a brain injury. In addition, I had become completely convinced that it was my eyes. The visual symptoms were too pronounced for it to be anything else. After two months of vision therapy, I began working with somebody else and trying different tints on my glasses to see if they would help. They did not.

 

 

 

A Glimmer of Hope

 

In doing whatever limited research I could, I came across another neuro optometrist from Michigan who treated a condition called Vertical Heterophoria with prism glasses. This is a condition in which the eyes are not aligned properly. She was the only doctor in the country that treated this condition and was a pioneer in this field. The symptoms of this condition and the stories of her patients completely resembled my situation. Although a glimmer of hope pierced my heart, I was skeptical and not too impressed by the similarities. I have heard the symptoms many times before and I've been told that I could be helped many times before. Regardless, I knew it was something I had to pursue, and after consulting with the doctor over the phone a few times, I bought my plane ticket and went to Michigan.

 

That was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I hadn't been able to work for almost 2 years by this point, so I ended up borrowing money from some friends in hopes that I would finally find the answer I was looking for. I didn't tell a single person where I was going or what I was doing and I just went. By this point, people around me either thought I was crazy or just wouldn't understand. This was just something I had to face alone. It would've been no big deal under normal circumstances, but I was no longer able to read, write, or look at a screen of any sort. Doing any of these things even for a few seconds would be excruciating and I avoided them at all costs. I didn't do any research about where I was going in Michigan, what was around,  and what to expect. All I had was the address of my hotel, the address of the doctor’s office, and the hope that whatever I could ask Siri verbally and whatever Siri could read to me would be enough to wing it. When I got there, I remember feeling as if I had traveled back in time, asking people if they knew where the nearest supermarket was or for directions to certain places. Driving had also becoming an extremely difficult task by this point, and I remember having to stop every 15 minutes so I could rest and let the dizziness subside before continuing to wherever I was going.

 

None of this mattered though. I finally had the answer I was looking for and I would soon have my life back.

 

I was diagnosed with Vertical Heterophoria, and flew back to New York with a pair of the prism glasses. The first pair didn't help at all, but I wasn't discouraged. I knew the process was a matter of trial and error, and it would only be time before the right prescription was found for me. Having all my data, I continued working with the neuro optometrist over the phone and trying different prescriptions sent through the mail. By the third pair of glasses, it became apparent to me that the glasses weren’t going to help me much. They were able to help me with some of the symptoms to a small degree, but things were still the same in the grand scheme of things. Once again, I was the one person that cannot be helped. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK. I can't do this anymore.

A Mile in My Shoes

 

I haven't described what the symptoms feel like up to this point, so I wanted explain them in greater detail to give you an idea of what it typically feels like. The symptoms do not come individually and aren't fleeting, but are all present simultaneously and are present every single second of every single day. They are there from the moment I wake up and stay with me till the moment I go to sleep. In fact, they are constantly with me even in my sleep. There is no escaping them.

 

  • Headaches- The headaches feel like an immense pressure in the forehead region of my head. It feels as if someone is constantly squeezing the inside of my forehead as hard as they can, and never letting go. There is a constant pain behind my eyes, and it feels like someone is trying to push my eyeballs out of their sockets from behind. There is also an immense pressure inside of my head, as if air is constantly being pumped into my head. I feel like my head is going to explode at any time. Simultaneously, it feels like my head is being crushed inwards from the outside. I feel like my head is in a constant vice squeezing my head as hard as possible.

 

  • Dizziness- The dizziness isn't a spinning sensation that many people feel, but a sensation of constant unsteadiness. It feels like I am constantly on a boat, where everything is swaying and rocking back and forth. The sensation is equivalent to trying to walk during an earthquake with someone trying to pull the ground out from underneath me every step I take. Turning my head sideways or looking up and down also produces a sensation of dizziness, and I must move gingerly and control my movements very carefully to prevent aggravating the dizziness. Bending over also creates extreme dizziness, creating the feeling that my head is suddenly filling with blood and that I will pass out at any second. Seemingly simple tasks such as picking something up from the floor have become extremely difficult. Standing from a seated or squatting position also produces a sensation of blood rushing to my head, and I must pause for a few minutes every time I stand up to let the feeling subside. Otherwise, it feels like I will faint at any time.

 

  • Visual Symptoms- The visual symptoms are the most bothersome and most perplexing. For one thing, my eyes constantly hurt. It feels as if someone is trying to push my eyeballs out of their sockets from behind and there is an immense pressure as if someone is trying to pop my eyeballs by squeezing them. It also hurts to move my eyes. Looking up, down, left, or right is extremely achy. Focusing on anything visually, especially up close causes tremendous headaches and dizziness. Simple tasks such as reading, shaving, and cooking are extremely difficult and I avoid them at all costs.

 

Sunlight and glare of any sort also become very disorienting and causes physical symptoms as well. Walking into a room with a lot of mirrors or shiny surfaces causes immediate discomfort and I need to leave as soon as possible. Patterns of any sort are also extremely disorienting. Walking into a room with tiled floors, or even looking at someone’s clothes that might have stripes or patterns causes symptoms.

 

I also have an extreme sensitivity to light. Fluorescent lights, and any colored lights (especially blue) cause extreme headaches and dizziness as well. I start feeling extremely dazed and confused, and can’t think straight. I start feeling as if everything around me is surreal and I’m in a dream. My body also starts going haywire where it feels like I can’t control my body as well. At times, I almost feeling I’m having mini seizures. The one example that keeps coming to mind is seeing robots in cartoons short circuiting and going crazy when they are doused with water. As a result of this, any type of work involving a screen, such as computer work or using my phone becomes unbearable. The combination of the lights and the close focusing required make the symptoms exponentially worse.  Looking at my phone for even a second produces horrible headaches and dizziness. I avoid all these activities at all costs.

 

The most unexplainable visual phenomenon I experience is that I see a holographic effect everywhere I look. While I can see everything clearly and see exactly what they are, it feels like there is a hologram over everything. The only way thing I can compare it to is one of the last scenes in the first Matrix, where Neo gets killed by Smith. After he comes back to life, Neo is able to stop the barrage of bullets from the agents. Right after that moment, Neo actually sees the matrix and construct code that makes up the Matrix. That is almost what the world looks like to me, except in a less obvious and much more subtle way. It almost feels like I can see the individual pixels that make up all the objects in the world. It is everywhere I look, whether it is at a person, object, or even the sky.

 

  • Sensory Overload- My hearing is extremely sensitive and I can hear things that most people can’t. I can hear the faintest of sounds and from far distances. While this might seem like a cool superpower to have, it is actually very bothersome because all sorts of sounds become too overwhelming. High pitched whirring sounds from the old tube TV’s to deep percussive sounds from bass systems hurt my ears tremendously and start giving me headaches. Being in crowded places, the sound of dishes clanging, and sirens become too much to bear and I need to find refuge somewhere quiet.

 

My smell is also extremely sensitive and I can pick up on all sorts of scents and smells. If I walk into a room, I can smell the lingering scent of someone’s perfume or cologne even if they weren’t in the room for hours. As a result of this, smells of any sort can make me extremely dizzy. This can be anything including perfume, cologne, gasoline, nail polish, paint, chemical cleaners of any sort, shampoo, and even the smell of food.

 

Taste- My sense of taste is also extremely sensitive, and strong tastes of any sort start making me dizzy and give me headaches. I can no longer eat anything spicy, sweet, sour, bitter, or too salty. It is just not worth the literal headache.

 

Sensation- My thermoception or sense of temperature is also extremely sensitive. I am extremely sensitive to heat or cold. When it gets even slightly chilly, I start shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I also start getting an immense pressure in my head and it feels like all the muscles in my head and neck seize up.

 

When it is even slightly warm, I begin feeling extremely nauseous and lightheaded. I begin to get really dazed and disoriented as well. It feels like I’ve been in a 200 degree sauna for 5 hours even if only 15 minutes has actually passed. This sensation occurs instantaneously. It can be freezing cold outside, but the moment I step into any place that has the heat on, I start feeling sick within a few seconds. I either have to leave or take my jacket off immediately.

 

  • Cognitive Overload- My brain feels like it can’t function normally. My logical processes are all still in place, but they are a step behind what I am used to. More troubling than that is my inability to sustain focus or concentration on any task. If you gave me one math equation, I could solve it quickly. But the moment consecutive equations are introduced, I am no longer able to maintain my focus without getting splitting headaches. This translates to every possible thing that requires focus. Watching something, listening to a lecture, talking to people, and even thinking starts giving me headaches. Not intense thinking like solving a Sudoku puzzle or deciphering a complex equation, but very simple thinking tasks. Thinking about what I want to eat for dinner or even daydreaming for more than 5 or 10 minutes starts giving me headaches. This is very frustrating for me since I have always been a thinker.

 

  • Anxiety- The anxiety feels as if something is constantly wrong although there is no identifiable reason for this. I constantly feel like I’m on edge and need to escape, but there is nothing to get away from. I almost drowned to death when I was much younger, and this is the only feeling I can compare it to. That sensation of being in extreme panic, thinking I’m going to die and needing to do whatever I can to escape the situation. The second closest thing I can compare it to is the anxiety you feel prior to giving a speech. The nervousness, butterflies in your stomach, and wanting to just flee from the podium. The feelings and sensations from almost drowning and having to give a speech are with me every second. There are many times where I feel like I’m trapped in my body and get escape from it. Something always feels wrong and I am never comfortable, and it makes living extremely hard.

 

  • Digestion Issues- My stomach is always in pain or extremely uncomfortable. It feels like something is always squeezing my stomach and it feels like my stomach is always bloated. I also have extremely unstable blood sugar levels and must constantly eat every 2-3 hours or I start feeling really faint and dizzy. My hunger levels are also extremely unstable and I must eat the moment I get hungry. The hunger comes randomly, and I must eat within 15-30 minutes or I become extremely dizzy, faint, shaky, lightheaded, anxious, and get a horrible headache. I almost feel like an addict going through withdrawal. This causes me to become a totally different person when I am hungry, and I will literally run red lights and knock people out of the way to find food as soon as possible. This is not my intention at all, but I NEED to find food or I will pass out.

 

Then I feel HORRIBLE after eating every single time. It will feel like I just ate a 32oz steak slathered with butter, truffle oil, and the thickest cheese you can think of. I get extreme food coma and itis, and start feeling really out of it. My stomach starts hurting, I feel extremely drowsy, I can’t think straight, and a different form of headache comes into the picture. This happens no matter how relatively healthy and light I eat, though heavier foods will make it worse.

 

There are also many different types of food that I have developed an intolerance to. Eating these foods will make me feel extremely bloated, uncomfortable, and completely spaced out. For this reason, I’ve adapted what I eat to what makes me feel less worse after, rather than what I actually like to eat.

 

  • Insomnia- I don’t have trouble falling asleep for the most part, but I am an extremely light sleeper and will wake up at the slightest sound. The sound of someone going to the restroom and even the sound of a text message will be enough to bring me to complete wakefulness. Once this happens, I have an extremely hard time going back to sleep. For the times that I am able to actually stay asleep, the sleep is extremely light and not restful at all. It feels more like I am just resting my eyes than sleeping. I wake up and am constantly exhausted, and I need to sleep 8-10 hours at the minimum just to feel like I don’t want to jump out a window.

 

  • Fatigue- I am constantly exhausted for no reason and from doing nothing. Very very simple tasks will completely wipe me out. Walking a few blocks will completely exhaust me, and “harder” tasks such as taking the bus and train to get somewhere will make me feel like I just ran a marathon. I constantly need to sit and rest wherever I go.

 

  • Constant ringing and fullness in my ears. It feels like my ears constantly need to pop but can’t.

 

  • Heaviness in my chest like I can’t take a deep breath

 

  • Frequent shortness of breath

 

  • Burning sensation in my throat and esophagus

 

  • Choking sensation as if someone is constantly trying to strangle me or as if I’m wearing a shirt with a collar that is way too tight

 

  • Heart palpitations where my heart starts racing for no reason

     

  • Random aches and pains throughout my body

     

  • Tingling and numbness in my hands and feet

     

  • Constantly thirsty and needing to urinate frequently

     

  • Taste of metal in my mouth

     

  • TMJ Dysfunction. My jaw constantly pops and it is extremely difficult to chew.

 

  • Nausea and feeling like I have to throw up

 

 

There are a lot more of symptoms I experience, but these are the most dominant ones. As I mentioned earlier, each and every one of these symptoms are with me all of the time.

Time To Leave

 

I was completely lost by this point. The prism glasses were supposed to be my saving grace, but had failed to help in any significant way. I didn't know what else to do. I was turning 29 in a few months and I've slowly watched my life pass me by. People all around me were doing things with their lives. Working on their careers, starting families, and accomplishing things. I was struggling just to get through each and every single day. I had spent the last year of my life pursuing what I thought would be things that would finally help me, but to no avail. Worst of all, I didn't know what else to do. I had tried everything there was to try.

 

I spent a few weeks in deep contemplation and realized that I couldn’t carry on anymore and that it was time to end everything. There was no more hope and no more fight left in me. I wasn't suicidal nor was I depressed in anyway. I just couldn't do it anymore. It was January, and I decided that I would do it in May so I had time to prepare. I had completely made up my mind and this time it was for real.

 

I started shopping for life insurance policies and began planning what I was going to say to my family and what I was going to do with my possessions. The hardest part was knowing how much it was going to devastate my family. They were many times where I felt I couldn't go on anymore, but didn't do anything drastic because of what it would do to my family. I soldiered on all those years for their sake, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Sorry everyone. I guess I'm weak. I also found it a bit tragic that I would go before I had the chance to share with others all that I had learned. Every therapy I had encountered and tried was something I knew I had to eventually share with the world in the hopes that it might be able to help that one person. Even if I wanted to help now, it would make me ignorant to do so since I hadn't even been able to figure out my own situation and put everything I've learned into its proper context. Then there was also the matter of pride. I had never faced an obstacle that I couldn't overcome in my life before. This would be a bitter pill for me to swallow. None of this mattered though; I was finally going to be free.

 

 

 

Last Ditch Effort

 

Just as always however, my brain was constantly analyzing, looking for potential answers or things I might've missed. I started thinking about what the acupuncturist said to me about all my issues stemming from my neck. I looked into it a few times the previous year, but wasn't even quite sure what I was looking for. What does that even mean? Who do I even go to for that? I would come across doctors who perform surgeries, and did steroid injections into the neck, but these have a lot of potential side effects and could potentially make things worse, so I never pursued them further. At this point, I figured if I was going to kill myself anyway, I might as will give it a try. I started doing whatever research I could, though I didn't really expect anything to come of it. I had already resigned myself to the fact that this was the way my story ends. Through my research, I found upper cervical care which was actually an extremely non invasive and gentle area of chiroptactic. Through that, I ended up settling on a specific type of chiropractic.

 

Something definitely changed after my very first adjustment, though I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I was also no longer able to tolerate my prism glasses, and I had to walk around without them for the time being.  The next few weeks were a complete mishmash, with some things getting worse and others getting better. By the end of the first month, everything finally settled down and I could tell that I felt very slightly better. As slight as it was, it was the first time something I ever tried has produced have a noticeable effect. Just the fact that it didn't make things worse was more than I could've asked for. I went back to my neuro optometrist for a follow up visit, and it was determined that my Vertical Heterophoria had resolved. Fixing my neck misalignment had fixed my eye misalignment. I was blown away.

 

Things started to get better very slowly over the next few weeks, but plateaued by the end of the second month. I asked my chiropractor if there was anything I could do in conjunction with the adjustments and he recommended Reiki. I found a Reiki practitioner who wass also a spiritual advisor, and this started me on a completely unexpected spiritual journey. Ironically, it was through this spiritual advisor that I met someone just like me for the first time in my life. She had all the same symptoms, tried many of the same treatments, and had also given up hope of finding someone who understood. I spent years scouring the internet and various medical communities in hopes of finding someone who knew how I felt. Someone to talk to. I had given up all hope of finding such a person and accepted the fact that this was something I would have to face alone. By sheer coincidence, here was someone who happened to be a good friend of the spiritual advisor I happened to find. How synchronistic. I call her my twin and needless to say, she has become one of my dearest friends. I spent the next six months doing some deep soul searching. After six months, I finally found what I was looking for.

 

 

 

So It Goes

 

I had become fulfilled spiritually, but still had a lot of work to do physically. I was consistently getting adjustments throughout this time and things had improved considerably. The headaches were much less intense and the dizziness improved as well. The nausea, tightness in my chest, and tingling in hands and feet had also completely gone away. My sleep had improved and my digestion improved as well. Most importantly, a layer of the anxiety had been removed and I no longer felt like I was constantly on edge, as if I was constantly connected to an electric source and being electrocuted. Even with the improvements though, I was still far from being normal and still nowhere near functioning in a normal productive way. The visual symptoms, especially difficulty using computers and focusing on anything visually were still present and the most bothersome.

 

Once again, I began analyzing everything that transpired since the onset of my symptoms, looking for any patterns I may have missed or things I may have overlooked. As I played everything over and over again in my mind, I realized that the words Traumatic Brain Injury had come up frequently, especially within the past year and a half. I heard it for the first time when I was in vision therapy, and it was something that came up again when I went to the neuro optometrist in Michigan. My chiropractor also felt like the blow to the head I suffered had an impact on my neck misalignment. Every time the topic came up, I simply brushed it aside. I had numerous scans done with my brain and all the doctors said my brain was normal. I suddenly realized that I never looked into the literature regarding brain injury and the underlying physiology behind it. I simply believed what the doctors told me. How ignorant of me. I should've known better.

 

I went online to research brain injury and realized how misinformed the medical community and people in general were on the topic. The onset of symptoms, progression of symptoms, and symptom presentation all indicated that I could have very well been living with an undiagnosed Traumatic Brain Injury all these years.

 

I decided to attend a brain injury Association of New York chapter meeting to see if I would be able to get more information. I knew the moment I walked in that I had made a mistake. There were people in wheelchairs, walkers, with all sorts of visible issues, and I clearly did not belong. As I was about to leave, a normal looking man came up to me and introduced himself. We started talking, and as I met more people, and I realized that there were a lot of “normal” looking people with TBI. I met two people in particular who had symptoms that were eerily similar to mine. There are others.

 

I was able to get recommendations from the people I met as to where I could get evaluated. It would be a process and since there were only two brain injury programs in NYC, it could be a few months before I even got a chance to get evaluated. All I could do at this point was wait. There was no time to be complacent, so I started for looking for looking for other options in the meantime.

 

 

 

Maybe, Just Maybe

 

I went back to where everything started and asked my chiropractor for suggestions. He recommended that I give Endonasal Balloon Therapy a try, which was something he could do for me. He had offered it to me previously a few times, but I kindly declined every time because the concept was just so bizarre. By this point, I had no other real viable solutions. This was the last card I had left to play. After a few weeks of research and deep contemplation, I decided to give the Endonasal Balloon Therapy a try. It changed my life.

 

It didn't fix everything, but peeled away a huge layer of all the symptoms. The first thing I noticed was that I could breathe better. It felt as if I was able to take it more air each time I inhaled, and it felt like more oxygen was reaching my brain. In fact, the inside of my head felt really cold for the first few days because of all the extra cool air that seemed to now be circulating inside my head. The second thing I noticed immediately was a dramatic improvement in my sleep. For the first time since I could remember, it actually felt like I was getting deep sleep when I went to sleep. For as long as I could remember, sleeping was a big issue for me. I didn't have trouble falling asleep, but my sleep felt very very light and I would constantly wake up. It would feel more like I was just resting and closing my eyes rather than sleeping. Now I actually felt like I was getting proper rest when I slept. The third thing I noticed immediately, was how much better my digestion was and how much better my stomach felt. It felt as if somebody had been squeezing my stomach as hard as they could and finally let go. The ironic thing was, I didn’t even realize that this is what it felt like until the pressure was released. Eating was no longer uncomfortable or painful, no matter how much I hate. In fact, I went to a buffet a few weeks after the therapy and even though I stuffed myself, I felt more comfortable than I would have eating a regular meal prior to the therapy.

 

As time went on, I noticed that the severity of the headaches and the frequency of the headaches decreased as well. A lot of the tension was slowly improving, and the pressure that was inside my head was gradually decreasing as well. In conjunction with this, the dizziness started improving also. Another extremely pleasant result of the therapy was that it peeled away the way the final layer the anxiety. I was no longer constantly on edge, which made it much easier to cope with everything that was occurring. I began noticing many cognitive improvements as well. For one thing, I felt a lot more focused and it was no longer as hard to concentrate on things. I feel more present in my body and no longer felt like I was constantly in a dream, about to float away at any second. In a completely unexpected way, the therapy also helped on a spiritual level as well. I felt more connected to the universe, more aware of all the things at work around me, and became a lot more in tuned with people’s energies. Perhaps the most helpful benefit of the therapy was finally knowing that everything was going to be okay. I was still far from being functional, didn't have a job, and had no idea what I was going to do next, but I somehow knew that everything was okay. I was finally at peace.

 

 

 

Magic Elixir

 

I knew that I had done everything there was to do structurally, at least for the time being. I turned my attention towards nutrition because I knew all along that I was nutritionally deficient in some way. I knew nutrition was something I would have to focus on when the time was right, and this felt like the perfect time. I began researching various supplements and came across a supplement that contained everything I was looking for. I ordered the supplement and within two days of taking it, I knew that something was different, although I couldn't tell exactly what yet. As time went on, I began noticing that all the muscles in my body began to feel a lot looser. They were completely relaxed and no longer felt crampy the way they used to. As with everything else, I didn't even realize how tight and tense they were until they became relaxed.

 

After a few weeks, I also began noticing that my energy levels were gradually increasing. I had more energy to do things and my endurance was slowly improving. I was able to walk further before becoming exhausted, and was able to perform more tasks before the headaches came. When the symptoms did come, the amount of time required for me to recover began decreasing as well.

 

The supplement also helped improve my sleep. I began sleeping even deeper and it added another level of complexity back to my sleep. It added that warm, fuzzy, blissful feeling back to my sleep, which I didn’t remember experiencing since I was a child. I also began experiencing many vivid dreams I was able to remember, which is a good indicator of restful REM cycle sleep.

 

The most pleasant benefit from the supplement was that my blood sugar levels and hunger levels began to normalize. I no longer needed to constantly eat, and was able to tolerate hunger better. Being hungry no longer made me dizzy, extremely weak, and feeling like I was going to pass out if I didn't run every red light to get to food as soon as possible. It went from being I need to eat NOW, to I will eat when I get the chance.

 

I was starting to resemble a human being again. I was elated.

 

 

 

 

The Present Moment

 

So this is where I am at the present moment. The Endonasal Balloon Therapy was three months ago as of this writing (April 2015), and I started taking the supplement about 2 and a half months ago. Structurally, I still have to fully resolve my TMJ issue, although it has improved tremendously. Nutritionally, there are still many changes and tweaks I need to make, but that is just a matter of slowly phasing them into my regimen. Spiritually, I am happy with where I am at the moment. Spiritual work lasts beyond a lifetime and is never complete, but I feel like I have built an extremely solid foundation I can grow from.

 

Overall, things have improved beyond my wildest dreams. I am far from perfect and still experience some of the symptoms, but I am closer than I have ever been to feeling better. I've been able to return to work which is something I couldn't have even fathomed 2 months ago.

 

In addition to the physical improvements, the most profound change is the change I've experienced as a person. This whole experience has given me a perspective, understanding, and appreciation of life I could have never imagined having before. I had always suspected throughout the years that this whole ordeal might actually be a blessing in disguise (granted I ever got through it), but I had no idea just how much of a blessing it would be.

 

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and have gained a profound appreciation for all the little things I would have never even given a second thought to. Every time I can stand up without getting dizzy is a triumph. Every time I can eat without knowing I will be in excruciating discomfort after is a revelation. Every time I can read an ad on the subway without getting a headache is the biggest vindication possible. Every moment of my life has become a gift. The vanity, ego, arrogance, anger, and sense of entitlement are all gone. I have finally learned to live my life the way I should.

Remedies I’ve Tried

 

 

Conventional Medicine

 

All in all, I've been to 4 primary care physicians, 3 neurologists, 2 gastroenterologists, an ENT, cardiologist, pulmonologist, hematologist, endocrinologist, 3 neuro optometrists, and 3 ophthalmologists.

 

Tests and therapies I've had include 3 brain MRI's, MRI of my C spine, MRI of my L spine, brain MRA, CT scan from my neck to pelvis, ultrasound of my liver/stomach/pancreas/kidneys/gallbladder, EKG, EEG, echocardiogram, nerve conduction tests, ENG, VNG, audiology testing, pulmonary function tests, 2 endoscopies, a colonoscopy, a sleep study, vestibular rehabilitation, sinus testing, parasite testing, physical therapy,  dental work, 2 courses of vision therapy with 2 different neuro optometrists, different eyeglass prescription, prism glasses, tinting different colors of eyeglass lenses, different lens materials, different lens coatings, different frame and lens sizes, and every blood test panel and marker that can be tested for with a blood test.

 

 

Diets, Supplements, and Cleanses

 

I’ve tried pretty much every single diet out there. This included the Blood Type Diet, Candida Diet, going Vegan, and every other diet imaginable.

I also eliminated every type of food from my diet at one point or another. This included gluten, dairy, meat, simple sugars, soy, corn, nuts, eggs, beans, yeast, legumes, nightshades, salicylates, grains and all carbs. At one point, I was literally only eating meat and vegetables with a little bit of salt. I tried rotating what I ate, different food combinations, and eating at different times all to see if it would make a difference.

 

I was also only buying organic, non GMO food throughout this process which I was cooking myself. For over a year I didn't eat anything that came out of a package and that wasn't prepared by me.

 

I also decided to see if supplementing in conjunction with the dietary changes would help. I tried literally every vitamin and mineral in varying doses both individually and in varying combinations. I tried all different types of herbs from Ashwaganda, to Licorice, to Schizandra berries. I also tried taking other kinds of supplements and nutritional regimens such as DMG, MSM, bitters, enzymes, probiotics, prebiotics, targeted amino acid therapies, and many more.

 

I also began juicing on a daily basis. I tried all kinds of cleanses including whole body cleanses, gallbladder flush, liver flush, kidney cleanse, colon cleanse, intestinal cleanses, and colonics.

 

None of these seemed to help in the grand scheme of things.

 

 

Alternative Therapies and Beyond

 

Alternative therapies I've tried include: 5 acupuncturists, 3 Asian herbalists, traditional Chinese medicine, Chiropractic, massage therapy, trigger point therapy, foot and hand reflexology, acupressure, cranio sacral therapy, yoga, taichi, meditation, naturopathic medicine, aromatherapy, treating for adrenal fatigue multiple times and ways, treating for candida, treating parasites holistically, neurotransmitter rebalancing, applied kinesiology, breath work, earthing/grounding, iridology, manually closing my ileocecal valve, manually shifting a hiatal hernia, colonics, castor oil packs,  sleep hypnosis, tapping, EMF shielding, cooking and eating with cookware and utensils of different materials, removing fluoride from all water sources, different sleep patterns, subconscious reconditioning, multiple Reiki healers, a spiritual advisor, 2 spiritual advisors/medical intuitives, crystal healing, fortune tellers, consulted an astrologer, praying, pleading, promising (whatever and to whoever might hear my prayers), and at one of my lowest points, I joined what I can only now call a cult that tried to convince me I was cursed by evil spirits. Luckily I came to my senses after two weeks and left before performing any of their rituals. It seems foolish in hindsight, but I was desperate for some sort of relief.

 

Lessons Learned

 

I tell my story to let you know my perspective and where I'm coming from. I'm not a doctor and I never had any interest in health. I'm just an ordinary person in a not so ordinary situation. I had never intended to learn so much about health and the human condition, but I think that's exactly what makes it so valuable. The information and the intention are completely genuine. No matter what you were going through, I completely understand how you feel. The things I offer are things I wish I had known all along the way. Hopefully, I've made all the mistakes and learned all the lessons so you don't have to.

 

I also tell my story to let you know that you are not alone. No matter how dire your situation or how alone you may feel, there is someone out there who understands how you feel. I have become a true believer that everything happens when it's supposed to, and that you will meet the people you need to meet when the time is right. If you are going through an ordeal and feel like there is no one there to understand you, maybe that is not what you really need at the moment. Perhaps what you really need is to understand yourself. To spend some time figuring yourself out.

 

I spent many many years looking for someone that I could talk to through my hardships. That was the one thing I longed for the most, other than feeling better. Just someone I could tell my problems to, someone who would understand me, and someone to tell me it was going to be okay. After searching and searching, I came to the realization that no such person existed and that this was something I would have to face alone. I started asking myself why it was so important for me to find someone to talk to, and came to the realization that it wouldn't really change anything even if I found this person. Sure, it would help me cope a little better for the moment, but it wouldn't really solve the underlying anguish I felt. Only I could do that.

 

I turned my attention inwards and started really trying to understand how my circumstances were affecting me and what I could do to make peace with everything that was happening. After some time, I was comfortable enough with myself that I no longer felt the need to find someone to talk to. Very shortly thereafter, I met the person who I now affectionately call my twin. We completely understand how the other person feels and are literally able to finish each other's sentences. The most ironic part is that while it was really really nice to finally meet someone who understood, it was no longer something I needed.

 

Whether or not things happen for a reason, if you feel like there is no one that you can talk to, this might be the perfect opportunity to get to know yourself. You might be pleasantly surprised with what you find.

 

Finally, everyone has their own story. Their own hardships. What I experienced as physical pain translates into the pain of someone who may have been abused as a child or the anguish of someone else who may have lost someone close to them. While these situations don't define us, they serve as an opportunity for us to grow exponentially if we allow them to. They allow us to see what we are truly made of and allow us to discover (or rediscover in many cases) aspects of us that we may have otherwise overlooked. No matter how insurmountable your circumstances are at the moment, trust that it has a purpose and will make you a better person even if there is no end in sight.

 

Take each opportunity no matter how bad it may be to learn something about yourself. Whether it is becoming a little more humble, being a little more understanding of the plight of others, or gaining a deeper appreciation of life, there is always something positive that can be gained even from the darkest situations.

 

Above all, keep your head up. Things will get better no matter how dire your circumstances may be at the moment. Just keep pushing and never give up. You are stronger than you know. Always remember. If you can take it, you can make it.

 

I wish you the absolute very best.

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